Sunday, May 7, 2017

Tutorial: Build Your Own Hypershard!

Hypershards are curious things, slivers of hyperspatial matter created long ago that allow their users (also called hosts) to do all sorts of amazing things.

So I thought I'd put this together to show you how to make your own, so that you too can twist spacetime into knots, curling and uncurling its Kaluza-Kleinian eleven dimensions to muck around with physical laws and constants to do your bidding.

This is reality physics at its most insane.

First, you need the right tools if not a hyperdimensional being yourself. This especially applies to humans currently residing mostly in a four-dimensional spacetime manifold! Otherwise, the only way to get around this is to venture into hyperspace using a StarFold translation drive, and once there, start collecting hyper-crystal particulates in a state of forced wakefulness while dosed with mood-flattener pharmaceuticals to avoid going stark raving psychotic from the neurological effects of hyperspace on the waking brain. Remember: you must remain in hyperspace in order to smelt and forge the hyper-crystal into the parts you'll need. Hyper-crystal is nearly ghostlike in the three dimensions of ordinary space, and cannot be manipulated here without a top-of-the-line set of Gamentran Industries™ brand Kurtz-Dunar liminally stroboscopic field manipulator waldoes.

Once you have those, and have access to (and training with) a well-built transparachronic terawatt fabrication engine to smelt, forge, and shape the components to specifications (included in the operating software), complete the manufacturing process as directed, with a good-sized dimetronic plasmafluvian reactor to power it before assembling the parts using the waldoes.

All done with part fabrication? Now the fun begins. Remember, keep the waldoes handy once assembly is complete; you'll need them to place the finished product safely into your skull, where it will exist coterminously with your brain after clicking into place and receiving instructions from it for operation!

First, we assemble the whole: this uses a teledimensional cybertap fracticulator essential for powering the device; it taps into quantum-gravitic brane fields of other regions of the multiverse just bursting with huge, young, incredibly luminous stars that generate the tremendous power needed to twist reality like a pretzel, or maybe a gordian knot, depending on what you want to accomplish. It looks something like this from a three-space perspective, or maybe not, depending on which way it rotates into and out of three-dimensional space:

This has three major components, which absolutely must be put together in the correct sequence or the whole thing catastrophically explodes, vaporizing everything in a 300000 kilometer radius. Make sure you've paid the premiums on your planetary insurance policy!

There is the data core, which uses teledimensional quantum computing pathways defining the functioning parameters of the device. This determines the range, kind, and strength of the abilities granted. The data core is first, using subparachronomic welding equipment to exacting industry standards, generally at or slightly above the Planck-scale in precision.

Second, there is the morphic function transfiguration hardware, which alters its structure and functions according to the parameters of the data core's programming. This requires the same tools and standards as per the data core as does the next item below.

Finally, there is the power tap, the teledimensional cybertap fracticulator. This is added last, as when first in sequence, causes the previously mentioned catastrophic explosion.

There. You now have a fully assembled hypershard, ready to conquer world after world with, and the envy of most interstellar empires with only moderate military budgets.

Go forth, my Wavetouched, and let slip the chihuahuas of inconvenience for those who oppose you!

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